Who am I?

I often wonder who I really am. I am 41 now and still question it. I know I have difficultly knowing who I really am because I feel like I am being pulled different ways with different expectations from others.

I have a daughter and a son, both grown. I was a stay-at-home wife for 15 years before I went to collage to pursue a career. As a stay-at-home mom, I knew who I was. I tried to be perfect even though I felt I failed many times. I had strong spiritual convections. I stood up for myself and stuck to my guns about things I strongly believed in. One time my sister called me a snob. I was insulted. I didn't believe I was a snog just cause I stood up for what I believed in.

I went back to college. I felt a desire to have an education just in case something happened to my husband. Because of this decision, I had less time to spend with my kids. When I graduated and went to work in Radiology, I had even less time with my kids. Even though i strongly believe in having an education, I wished I had never gone down that path. I wish that I had continued to stay at home with my children and continue helping them to go down the right path. I failed them.

Now my kids are 18 and 20. I ended up leaving my job and becoming a truck-driver to work with my husband. I love this job. We are gone for about 4 to 5 days and then home about 3. When I am home I clean like crazy and spend time with my kids. I still have a strong desire to stay home and take care of them. I guess that will never go away. I love them intensely.  All I want to do is take care of them and make sure that they have a financially set future.........

                                            TO BE CONTINUED........